All This Cake has been a personal journey for me. I have said that before. Even though I can see and feel the benefits that have come from it for me, sometimes I am really struck by something.
Fourth of July was one of those times.
I hadn’t eaten corn in three months. My mom bought corn on the cob that was so sweet it was downright sticky. I avoided it like the plague …until I didn’t.
I’m glad I didn’t. I was so happy about the sweet yumminess that I snapped a picture. Then I instagrammed it.
I typed out the following caption:
“I used to have a personal rule: ‘fat girls can’t take pics while eating’. I’m so happy to be eating #cornonthecob though….it’s been three months since I ate corn. Happy 4th!”
Then I published it.
Major for me…you have no idea. I challenge you to find pics of me pre-All This Cake with food in my mouth. You won’t. I promise you. And it’s so stupid. No pics around birthday tables, no pictures of me at wedding receptions for the most part, just complete avoidance of being associated with a necessary human function – eating. There is ONE picture of me and my dear friend Julia before we shared a piece of cherry/peach pie a’la mode. I remember forcing myself to take the picture but I can assure you the food had not yet come near my face. (I’m really glad I took that pic, btw…I love that girl…and the pie was divine.)
I was thinking about the corn picture the other day when I realized something. Over the years, I have set up a certain “Fat Girls Code of Conduct” for myself, and I have adhered to it pretty strictly. Here lately, however, I have started to break my own rules.
“Never wear a shirt that advertises a food or beverage company. Ever.”
You know, because big girls don’t buy food or support companies that make food. Ever. *eyeroll*
Then I won a contest through Applegate Farms, a really great meat company. They sent me a kinda cute shirt. Turns out I wear it a lot. Mostly at a home, but that’s only because I’m a dress-up-when-I-go-out kinda girl. Heck, I’m wearing it today! Most importantly, I put a pic of me in their shirt on their FB page with a “thank you” for the package. I didn’t even care how many people knew that I might actually support and purchase food. 😛
Other rules include:
“Never show your legs in public.”
I would tea-length it. That’s about it. Then the heat fried my brain (in a good way) one day and I chopped my jeans off:
and took a picture.
and published it.
“Your face is all you have going for you. Never go out bare-faced.”
To which I responded to with a picture of me not only bare-faced, but post-cry, so I was particularly puffy. I just saw a certain vulnerable beauty in the moment and decided to share it. You know why there was beauty in it? Because it had NOTHING to do with my face. It had to do with my soul. This shot was a reflection of my inner-most struggle in that moment. Because MY SOUL is intact. And I have that going for me.
It seemed innocent enough. A picture of me, eating corn on the cob on the 4th of July. It is probably what millions of other Americans were sinking their teeth into right then as well. Nothing ground-breaking or even terribly unique.
Except that it was.
It was also the beginning of a liberation for me. One that was a long time coming. It inspired me to make a new rule:
“Rules are meant to be broken. Particularly the stupid ones.”