Down Days

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I believe whole-heartedly that I can be beautiful, exude sex appeal, dress fashionably and be healthy all in spite of my double digit dress size. That doesnt mean every day is easy for me.

I was looking at some old pics with a friend of mine the other night and was struck by one picture in particular. It was taken about 3 weeks after my 3rd (and final) baby was born. I was probably about 175 in the pic and looked damn good. Dont let the 175 fool ya…I wore it well – I almost didnt recognize myself.  I am a well built girl, so 175 doesnt look as big on me as it sounds.

The picture actually startled me and I did some quick math…that was 65 pounds ago.

The really sh*tty thing is that that was acheived eating crap food. Drive thru, take out, whatever came from the freezer. I was one stressed out mama with three small kids…all homeschooled. It was a rough and hectic (but amazing and beautiful) time in my life. My diet reflected that, and yet I still looked amazing.

Ain’t that about a bitch.

The trick? Breastfeeding. I dropped SO much weight when I breastfed. The instant she weaned, I gained 20 pounds in a month. 20 POUNDS.  A few years of anti-anxiety meds helped with weight gain. Lucky me.

Over the last decade, my obsession with healthy eating has come and gone, but the last 3 years I have been pretty focused. Since January, I have made even more changes and dietary decisions that have really impacted my health and the health of my family. My husband put on jeans the other day that one month ago did not fit him. They are now a little big on his waist. How is it that I am the one doing all the meal planning and preparation and somehow I am the one that has such little progress? I have probably lost 5 pounds…maybe 10 (I dont know, really, I dont own a scale) since January.  Yeah, thats all well and good but damn it, my husband has dropped close to 150 pounds in the last 2-3 years. I guarantee I eat better than he does. Guarantee it.

I will stay the course, that is not an issue.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better and none of this will bother me.

Today, however, I am struggling to accept the body that I was given and wondering why I have to fight twice as hard for half the results.

Ultimately I need to remember that I am beautiful, healthy and deserving of love…especially from myself.

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3 responses »

  1. So, 175 being 65 lbs ago puts you at 110 right? Maybe you’re not losing fast because you don’t have much to lose anymore!! 🙂 Hopefully you’re only 4’9…..

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